Lost My Mind.....

Dear Diary,

I really cant take it yesterday, me as a leader really sux, i got scolding from teacher almost everyday for forgetting things, yesterday at home i was really emo, i went home bath and straight away i lay on bed waiting for the correct timing to sleep, while i was waiting, i think abt my decision on quiting as a leader, i complain to atika as she was available at tat time, and all the sudden i scolded zubai for not treating afiq equally, i'm really sorry zubai, when i'm emo, i can see everything, the pain, the loneliness, the hurt and more...

Today, i was really emo, i purposely come out of my home just on time for class, so i called priya to take the class list from teacher...so i escape from teacher for one day, then during the mrt trip, i msg mariia and complain to her abt the leader thingy and guess wat ones i reach class, 1st thing i got was a big lecture from Mariia, she told me not to quit as it lead me to bcome a quiter...then all the way in class i was really quiet and didnt talk much, i purposly put a smile and laughter so people wont think i'm depress...

Afiq, Kak J,Asyraf, Atika, Pamela when u make me laugh, i actually was crying in heart, please dont take it to hard as i pinch you...Like i say i can see pain, hurt and loneliness, as tat time i mention i'm quiet "wrong", I'm Aggressive "wrong", I'm Happy "wrong" might as well i die...then there was a moment of silent but then afiq and kak j tackle me bck by making a joke tat later need money and very expansive la....tell u wat, i was really hurt...but i kept quiet...then during SIMS, i was told to tell everyone to take out landyards and watches, so i shouted and everbody goes woooo...and i shouted bck shut up...and everyone was quiet, i laugh but i was irritated...then go home, i wanted to go home alone but fauziah was there, then i talk to her...

So me and fau talk, fau was smoking and i got out of mind and say, mayb i wan to try smoking to realese my stress, but then fauziah showed me a angry looked and say no...b4 you say u wan to smoke, try the one in my hand and i say no as i know she wont even let me touch it...haha, sorry mariia, didnt tell u due to i got scared tat u would lecture me again...hmm dont like...then go home alone after city hall, i got a crazy mind and say to myself, later wan buy cigarette? and i almost go to the shop to buy but i thought later not only mariia scold me, atika and fau too will b extreme angry with me, so i decided mayb not buy...save money to buy clothes for beg phase test...till now i still thinking of smoking and still emo....