Emotinal Day

Dear Diary,

today was bio class test1, i was not really preapred but i did study 2day before test, and also i try memorizing the stuctures, then when its time for test, i was praying to god, please make tis class test as simple as posibble, and yes my wish came ture but my memory of the things i read was erase of, i was really trying my best to recover my thoughts but i failed, then it left 5mins till test was over, so i shivering all over the place till one of my friends ask me to stop shaking, then its finally over, n guess wat i did not do a single writing on question 2c, its like 6marks, then out of the theatre, i felt myself hot but outter was cold, then i started to cry, i walk as fast as i can so i can hide myself from azmi, as i know he will be looking for me, i dont wan to cry infront of him but its too late, he came to me n i was crying softly and i ask him not to talk to me for a moment, then he comfort me and i did stop crying.

But worst came to me, the fear of getting scold by teacher in in my brain n over tat, i got angry with almost everyone for small things, i got angry with afiq but i did not tell him, over he dont wan to go hm with me by MRT, and also i was angry at fazli for not waiting for me after school. Then i'm sorry aishah if i made u think i'm angry cause of you. My girl-friends made me happy but i just cant show my total happiness 2day.

1st cried then 2nd got angry, 3rd not feeling happy tat much. Ni ways, thank you zubai for cheering me up by going rounding in causeway point and also we took a picture and make it into asmall card tat could fit in our wallets....teehee...k lah tats all....hope everythings goes well tomorro....

OH No...I Dont Want Tis FeeLings Again!!!

Dear Diary,

Well, today everything goes well but i starting to feel tat my old self started to come back to me, i was so happy for knowing myself but today suddenly i felt weird and i started pinching, emotional, sensitive, everything was hidden but the pinching gives people scars and bruises, the victim was afiq and asyraft, I'm really sorry guys, my emotional status starting to grow inside me, n i unconsciously know tat it gone worst.

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Things tat come back to me:

1. Falling for guys

2. Pinching

3. Emotional /Sensitive

4. Jealousy

5. Loneliness

6. FAT!!!!

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OMG!!! Please dont cry now, i completely dont know what is into me now, i just wan to be normal like any normal guys but i guess it keep on failing. But for now the important is tat i got good boy friends who could tolerant my pinching, wont hit me back and made me laugh and dont run away from me due to my softness, and also girl friends who always make me happy and smiling always. I love them, i will try to reduce tis old version of me and maintain my friendship with them.

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I would like to give my love to all my friends.

Besties&Closeses Friends names are:

Fazli(BoyTwin),Atika(GirlTwin), Aishah(Mother), Zubaidah(Niece), Mariia(Sister) Pamela,

Afiq(Uncle), Asyraf, Hafiz, Shikin.

Test, Test & Shop, Shop

Dear Diary,

Phase test was kinda hard for me cause i got not enough time to practice but lucky for me during my phase test i got Ms Julie, although i do it very slowly, she is very patience as i do my things, then after everything i finally can breath, then fazli ask me to follow him to funan mall, aishah followed too, after going to funan, we go shop at bugis street, me and fazli bought the same cardigen and me aishah and fazli bought the same type of watch but diffrent colours, hehe, its really fun tat day but kinda bored for me due to siblings gone to BBQ as me stuck in Singapore to do my test...haiz...but tis ok...n guess wat, 2day i found a huge amount of money in my home locker, i was really shock, mayb god fate me to get the money instead of going to BBQ...woohoo...now i can spent more...but not now la, mayb during the holidays....kakakaka

Horrible Day to day....

Dear Diary,

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2day i was kinda moody and i talk less, dont know, out of the sudden i felt so sensitive towards myself and some of my friends, keep on thinking and thinking and it keep on rewinding inside my mind, i cant help it, felt emotional but i hold it, thought i could let go the emotional at hm but i was wrong, during CS class, mariia wanted to sit with zubai and zubai wanted to sit with mariia, so heard mariia wanted to ask pamela to change sit but cant, she is with atika then i suggest why not i move to zubai place and zubai come to my place, but mariia refuse me to change.

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Then, suddenly i heard teacher said, "i'm so sorry to those people who love cats and dogs" then in my mind was thinking, is it the story wat fazli was telling me? then it come out, was nothing at 1st as poeple was only talking, the suddenly i saw a cat was caged and the way the pick up the cat was using the metel picker and just choke it and place it in a small cage, then when i saw a person shedding the cat's skin, i broke down, all the way, tears was flowing down my cheeks as i close my ears and try not to listen to it, mariia, atika and a few girls behind me told me, tis was in 2005 and now no one is wearing those furs. Then i calm down a bit, my body felt very warm as i'm sweating and still crying, as the video finished, mariia and me thought its over but we were wrong, there was still more, i read the tittle as it says abt wolf and bears, straight away stand up and with a loud voice, i told teacher i wanted to go toilet.

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As i was walking towards the door, i heard voices saying why he cry? In my heart i felt like shouting, CAN'T YOU TELL? It so obvious tat i love animals very much and with tat videos i hate it, i walk in a fast speed to the toilet and i was crying to loud, and when i go in the toilet i saw a boy but i dont care him and continue crying, i go to one of the cubical and sit on the toilet bowl, i cry as hard as i can and keep on cursing those people and suddenly few mins passed i heard Afiq calling for me, but i kept quiet and the 3rd time he called me i answered, then i heard khairul's voice, and both of them is telling me to come out so they could talk to me, but i refused, few times they tried but i refuse, then there was a total silence and i thought they left and i was like looking at the time and tell myself, why not go to the class, its late, then i saw afiq and khairul was talking softly, i was like smiling to widely and told them, why wait for me?? then they comfort me and say why were u so sad 2day?? is it the video or u got other problem? i told them, 1st was i felt sensitive towards friends then suddenly teacher show us tat video, so i cant take it and broke down. They told me, if u got any problem or anything just talk to them and also those people who is close to you example atika & pamela, khairul told me, they were nice people, duh i know, my bestfriend de...haha...then afiq made me laugh, wipe my tears then they invite me to class, haha.

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Walked beside khairul and afiq, then when reach the class, khairul open the door then followed by him afiq told me to walk in 1st then him, i was embarrassed and close my mouth cause i was smiling with my red face, haha, then friends come to me and keep on asking me why you cry?? and start hugging me, thank you friends, then heard from mariia tat after i left teacher show 3more videos and she said, "Please sabri dont come to class yet" and as she was worried for me she told afiq to go look for me then khairul come along.

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How sweet of mariia, love you sister and THANK YOU afiq and khairul was there for me when i was crying in the toilet, and to all my friends, including atika, pamela, aishah, zubaidah and mariia who hugged me, really need it. AWW...i'm really going to missed my whole classed when i passed out, and tell u all wat, tat is not the 1st time i cried so badly, its my 2nd time, lol, 1st was in CP...k lah need to drink more water as i am dehydrated from crying to rabak....teehee....

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I LOVE YOU ALL !!!!!!

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THANK YOU

Bad Day Happy Ending

Dear Diary,

2day wasn't really great, 1st Kak J (Jamilah) fainted in the middle of class, then had to delay 1/2hour, poor her, lucky during the journey to sch she did not faint, or else, i will not know wat to do....hahaha....then 2nd lesson, we got tired so ask teacher for 15mins break then we come back, teacher delay 10more mins then she come in, then she suddenly scolded us and cried outside, haha, afiq 1st to go and look for teacher but then cant found, then a few friend go n find also cant find and last friend go then found she comming back, then continue scolding again, delay another 10mins, lucky we made her laugh and smile back, who ever is the student tat go out of sch with out writing a leave form, will hate her or him. Then go to next class, tis time, we had really much fun, we had to ask a few students to become the geron, haha who did we choose?? Asyraf, Syahidah, Priya and Mariia....Haha..got permission from teacher we could use our hp to take pictures....then last thing tat make me unhappy is tat Fazana, never send me the pictures of the pictures teacher took, she gives to her friends, fuck la and say somemore my bluetooth name is not in there, she can use her brain or not, her friend can go and take it from her hp and like tat saves time rite, then in the end, did not even sent to me and group....

-Notes-

Kak J, if u r reading, do keep tis as a secret, i dont wan tis to spread. But u missed the fun la kak j, the geron....can ask u to be one of them...wooohooo....hehe...take care of urself, ingat, gi doctor if condition not stable....hehehe

Stomach Cramp

Dear Diary,

I got stomach cramp, but the pain is an on and off type, 2day got chased by Azmie, so irritating, and he keep on complainning to people, i bully him, sorry dear, people dont belived u...huahuahau. People keep tis to urself, its kinda strange of a person like Azmie to have a friend like me but Its fun for people like me to have friends like Azmie, i dont know why, but when ever Azmie is with me, his emotional status changes, like from a very serious face change to a laughter face, is it me or is it i dont realized him with his friends?? He ever told people i called him fat but he is the one called me fat, OK FINE PEOPLE!!!! I'M FAT!!! End of story, good bye, i was insulted by a friend, and critisied by my uncle, he dont belived my weight is 70+, instead he said i look like 80+, fcuk his ass of like...ya la, i know he trained almost everyday and get slimmer everyday, and i praised him more then ever and now he is crisistizing me and calling me fat, WTH. Lets make it a human to human deal ok people, next holiday i'm going to lose 5-10kg per month, i will proved to all incudling to AZMIE!!!! EEEKKK and now my stomach cramp is comming back...i'm dead seh...


the world has gone hay wired.....

The Day In Bus

Dear Diary,

2day was invited by Azmie to take the bus, well was not really fun though taking the bus, its kinda bumpy and shakie. Well lucky for me, I was not alone with him, i was accompanied by afiq, he sit infront of me, azmie called me fat, and guess wat, i got really hurt but hack care, it wont last long. Abt the bus ride, well to me the bus was faster then the mrt, but if i wake up the whole time, i wont feel it fast, it really look longer but actually i just know tat, bus 168 and mrt was totally same, 1hour journy, only weather wat time reach here n there la. Well, wasn't bored going hm with azmie and afiq but got insulted tat makes me upset.

A day at Airport

Dear Diary,

Today is the day khairul my ex-bestie msg me asking to go out with me, fazli and my god-sis, so we got no idea where to go, so i suggest go to the airport, sirously we had much fun, accpect for khairul, he wan to go out with us, he make himself buzy and tired, then he got more then 3hours to rest, isnt tat enough?? well, he like showing his attitude toward us but we hack care and when we r talking he interrupt and if i did not layan him, he will b offended, so, out of us, so far only me is entertainning him but he looks like he dont wan to talk to me, with his expression. We took lots of pictures and fazli and me was abit hyper, then we eat due to hunger, then abt 9.00pm, khairul have to go hm, then muahahahaha me kak su and fazli, enjoy our life without him and we do more shopping at bugis street, then me and fazli saw cardigen, we both buy but diffrent colour, mine is cheaper then his...hahaha mine is white....his is black red with abt of red...hahaha...i think tat all i wan to say, pictures will b updated soon

Because Of Me

Dear Diary,

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2day promised myself, to keep my mouth shut, only talk when nessasry, know why? becuase of my mouth, people hate me, people gossip abt me and people get offended very fast, so 2day took a very difficult task and kept quiet and talk when nessary, acted as nothing happen but my quietness people took advantange, left me behind, gossip abt me and thinking i'm invinsible, u know what people? U got wat u want, i cried outside school and walk hm alone. Now i know another thing, why i dont have much friends. ='(

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You know what girl? I missed u so much, i wan to huged u when school re-open, but u dont really look excited so i leave u alone, for my 1st time in nursing years, i dont recived hugges, when i talk to u on phone tat day, i was only playing and joking with u since i missed u tat much, its only a joke and i belived u dont have any boyfriend, isnt tat hard to understand wat my feelings r writing?? I WAS JOKING!!!!!!! And when i replied ur msg on "Say It Day" i write control ur emotions, meanning, ur jealousy, ur sadness, ur anger, cause i can c those in u, and i dont mean u cant b happy, what had gone wrong with u? Is it me tat make u like this?? I am trying my best to hang out with u, but end up, u go hm with someone else, like tat time met u outside the toilet, u was talking to him and guess wat, i felt jealous, and when i told u i'm going hm with ais, ur face change and when i joke with u and saying him ur bf, u took it to heart and with ur anger face i can c it.

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Although I'm the type tat dont talk much, i treat u, Ais and Zub friends tat is really imprtant in my life, if i lose either one, my life will b cold and frozen, and i go hm with Ais always, cause she always took MRT, none of our friends including urself took MRT, i talk to her always cause she and me having some sort same problem and we share it, but seriously, the way i treat Ais is not big diffrent from me treating you, only tat you dont see it, if Ais left me, i got no one else to talk to, due u got pam and could get alone with others in group, i hate tis misunderstood thingy. Its a small matter and please i dont want it to be bigger and if u disagree in my conversation in my entry, just tag me or give me a beep and tell me.

Wat A long Time I Don't Do Dis

Dear Diary,



Today is the day where i did my friday prayers, wahh tell u wat? i felt really good praying to god and this is like 1st for a long time i did not pray, n when i pray, i was like my heart felt relax from all the tendsion and sadness, then 2day also i went to kak su house and watch the video Snake On A Plane, its a story where a lot of snakes inside the aeroplane and killed almost half of the passangers on plane...wahh...its a really nice story and if i keep on praying to god, i will start to feel light in my life and mayb my life as a bi will change...

New Year!!!!

A Very Happy New Year To All, Send all the msges to all my friends, for those who did not recived , here it is...hehe...everyone did reply my msg excpet one of my EX-BF, he reply Fazli and GS msg but did not do the same for me, i felt so sad, but its ok, he stop remembering me or dont wan to remember abt me...nvm, niways here r my resolutions...

• Do well in Nursing
• Focus On studies
• Not to be too Sensetive
• Become a Calm Person
• Lose Some Weight
• Increase Some Height
• Make Mum Happy
• Save Money To Buy PSP N Laptop
• CLEAN HOUSE!!! MUST...hahaha

Thats all for today, and for those guys and girl whos birthday is today, HAPPY BIRTHDAY.