Am I Special? How Do i Change In2 a Real Guy?

Dear Diary,

[What is so Special?]
I sometimes dont get what my friends are trying to say...theysay i'm special, but look at me, what is so special? I'm just a kid who hangs out with friends and thats all, i think. Nothing special. Can say if i'm special, why is there people who still hate me? Ok lah, maybe there is something special about me thats not yet written in my heart. I wonder how long untill it will be written....hmm

[How do i change in2 a guy]

Hmm...how am i suppose to change into a normal guy.

[Normal Guy Should Have...]

- Guys Walking
- Talk normaly
- Nice To Girls
- Like Girls
- Not Giving In To Bullies

[What I got....]

- Model Walking (Some of my Friends said)
- So call Sweet talk
- Like pinching
- Like Both Gender (Boys&Girls)
- Afried of Bullies

Actually, Im not ready to be a real guy and something inside of me said, "If u be a normal guy, your life and family will come back to you". I wan that but i dont know who to ask help from, i can't ask from guys,because some of them might teach me the wrong thing and maybe they willbetoo rough onme. If for girls, they will think of a guy they like,and just give advice on what they see from the guy they like.I can't ask my mum and dad cause if they know i'm not a straight guy, they will like scold me to death. The only thing i could now do is to depand on myself and pray to god and hoply all my hard work of being a normal good guy will be succesful.

Is Being Soft Wrong?

Dear Diary,

My sis had been out of hand for quiet sometimes now. When she got into the police stations, everyone is like panic, i know my sister well, she will not get into trouble but will be at the trouble...then i heard from my cousins that my grandmum and my anties said i'm being too kind and soft towards my sister...u tell me who the hell will hurt their own sister 4 no reason? I know my sister could be stubbon at times but only with time and prayers will help her cure from her stubbon sickness. At least i did something, i try being her fren not some parent who always scold here and there.

Ok...another reason, my sister is very close to me and she is not that clsoe to my mum cause she dont like my mum to nagged at her. So as a brother does that means i had to be strick at all times? i hate it, btw my sister will take some of my advice and as for me talking to her in a kind and understanding manner, she will agree and will take the advice seriously.

If any of my anties, uncles or even my grandmum scold me for being too soft...no one will knows wat will happen untill i get angry.

Btw kenape org semua bale ayah dari ibu? Ayah is never a good father to me. My mum is the kindest and sweetest mother of all...she is like me, can't be too rough or we will get a headace. So being soft is not a reason of why my sister become like this...its she herself who wans to tis and only her and a bit of our advice, she could change.