My Worries...

Dear Diary,

Currently, i feel my self-esteem is getting lower n lower, everytime someone talk abt me or complain to me abt me, my confidences lvl just drop, n i will feel different, i dont feel like working, or even talking to anyone, today i came late, 1stly was i woke up late, but then in the journy to work, i got tis feeling of calling teacher saying, teacher can i dont come today n replace on sat, i felt like crying everytime, someone say bad things abt me...

What im worrying abt?

Losing of friends like?
Khairulnizam
(he bastard me n fazli, by saying cuz of us he bcome gay...)
Fazli
(he spent his time with his band bestfriends more then me, so im lacking of attention from him)
Aishah
(im too close with her, n i dont wan her bfs to b jealous or scold her, so i had to back away for a while..)
Kak Jamilah
(cuz of some project and some disagreement, i had to step abt 2steps away, so my friends wont feel uncomfortable and stop them from thinking differently abt me)
1 of my cp friend
(i know nuts abt wat happen to tis guy, n all r keeping it a secret, nvm nvm, dont bother telling me cuz it will just hurts me cuz they wont feel comfortable telling it)

I'm So scared of loosing a new friend, i loves to make new friends but if they start to find me irrittating or surcastic then i can feel tat he or she is avoiding me...i really hope nothing goes wrong with my new friends...

Am I suppose to be in year two?
I still nervous on doing stuff by myself, and when i dont know tis stuff, someone said you call urself a yr2 student? i felt hurt.

Am I indepentdent?
everytime i do something tat im not sure, i will ask someone to come along, is that a wrong thing for me to do? cuz if im not sure, n i still do it, i will just might as well kill myself...

Am I Always Surcastic??
I love being surcastic to ppl who love to disturb me or bully me, but when they say "i talk nicely n you show me tat type of attitude" tat is when i dont know im being surcastic, n my face will not show any emotion...

Help me plz someone...im in the middle of confusion...just tag me in my tagboard or sms me...