He changed...

Dear Diary,

M_ _ changed, i can see it in 2ways,

the 1st way was for his own good :)), is that

-he stop talking about his pass with his ex,

-he kinda stop day-dreaming about his thoughts,

-he became more happier,

-he is learning fast n coping fast,

yes, although, sometimes he do have flash backs upon his past,

-he is willing to move on with his new girlfriend,

and begin a new life,

and oh!

-he also became extremely excited when

he went out with his new girlfriend,

and he would either talk to me on phone,

or when both of us meet, he would tell me everything...

lets hope both of them last long...

the 2nd way wasn't good for me, i dont know about him but

it wasn't good for me...i felt like i'm losing him as a

friend n as my honey... :'(

-when i got emotional, usually, he will consult me n ask me what

happen n why, let it all out, but now, since he know most of the

time its abt him, he will tend to get angry n scold me,

-once i told him, i missed him, he ignore me,

usually if i say something sweet, he would go "oh, u ____ me,

"oh you think im lame, thats so sad" then he disturb me,

but everything is going away. :'(

-when i told him i miss him,

he ignore then he said, u dont need to tell me everything,

if its a secret, let it be a secret, i got shocked when he text me that,

i stared at the text for 2mins, n just reply...

-just recently i planed to teach him the basic abt my camera,

cuz he dont know how to use one, n intend to borrow mine to

snap great memories, i text him 2days ago, abt timing, he didnt reply,

then the day b4, i text him not to forget abt our plan,

n i told him from 12pm-8pm time, i will b at home, he didnt reply,

n guess wat, yesterday itself when we suppose to meet,

at 1pm+ he called, saying,

He:where are you?

Me: Still in amk why?

He: i wanna pass u, your item, cuz im going out.

Me:i told u rite, when ur free then u meet me, what time coming bck?

He: Late at night..

Me: oh, u going out with girlfriend is it?

He: ya

Me: then how im gonna teach u abt camy?

He: dont know

Me: ohok then, bye

He: i will keep ur item 1st, when i meet u in ____, i pass it to u.

Me: mmm...

He: ok

Me: mmm...bye...

then i just hang...

PS: i did my house cleaning forcefully, i cried during shower n during prayers.

Frustrating rite, i know i told him, if on tat day his gf or fam ask him out,

he don't need to meet me, go on with plan, but u see, i text him,

he didn't reply, when he remember's abt my item, he willing to text,

i prepared most of the items to teach him,

i even read up on some of the camera function to let him know,

i actually stay up late n woke up early to find something

to teach him, i guess he just don't get it,

he didn't even say sorry for last min plan or sorry for canceling,

i dont know wat he is up to...

Hun, u know i like u so much, but please,

u need to at least spare a lil bit of ur time for me,

like b there for me, talk to me, like im there for u,

when u need me, instead of scolding me like some spoiled kid,

at least pamper me for a change, im so nice to u when

ur freaking sad or going thru emotions, yet thats u gave me...

Think abt it...

i dont wan to hate u, but ur forcing me out...

like ur saying, ur expired, i dont need u anymore...

please, show some sympathy towards my needs...

all im asking is to show tat u care...

PS: my chest felt very pain just thinking abt it...

Emotion Out Break

dear diary,

i cant sleep, been thinking alot, yesterday

at medical centre, i dream abt him, since now

a days he is being super hardworking,

it kinda scares me seeing him behaving

in such ways, cuz he isnt like tis,

so during my dream, i was one of the sargents,

he came n brought us rations n drink (as was in

real life), as he leave, i heard the sargents talk

abt him, gd n bad point, gd point is tat

he changed for his own sake, bad point

is tat the sargent thinks he is up to something,

like wanting to earn something, or telling

them tat he is improving to earn something,

im scared for him, but glad its a dream...

when im done with duty, get bck to bunk,

he forgots his lock key, text him abt it, but he

didnt reply, might b buzy with gf, but till now,

he didnt reply me, got really worried,

tomoro i cant text him, as he will have a date

with his gf, nvm la i shall ask him when in camp,

hope he is alright...

suddenly today, i got all scared abt thing,

lots of things just strike my mind, im lost n i got scared,

ask a few friends to accompany me tomoro,

but none wan go out, buzy with classes, work n

some r concern abt their travel fare, im not asking to

use ur money on me, just b there for me,

guess cant, its ok, i understand,

tomoro right after mum go work, im going out by myself,

im used to being alone...

Lets Continue...

Dear Diary,

Its been a while since i blog,

maybe its due to army and i always got all tired.

But now, all of the sudden, my heart felt so lonely,

i don't have much people to talk to,

so by blogging, at least it could clear some of my thoughts...

People whom i like to talk to about my feelings,

are my best-friends n this guy in army,

they understands my feelings n needs completely,

but i cant always be texting them or calling them,

they too have personal life to entertain.

For now all i need to do is try to live on my own,

which i have always been doing n i hate it,

its not that i hate being alone, i use to b all alone

last time without friends, but now

i change, i talk a lot, so i need friends to entertain me, or my mood

will just drop...

As for today, once again i'm the only one other then COS,

got left behind as my entire Alpha company get

to go home n enjoy their day, this is the second time

i'm having duty right after an outfield, n next day

would b either a P.H or OFF, this is so not my month,

n guess what, next week my duty will be on Saturday!!

HEAR TAT! ITS SATURDAY!!!

gosh i'm angry, hopefully next month my duty

would be like in the middle of the week of maybe

early of the week, n weekend duty would b a Sunday

instead of a Saturday...God hear my prayers, make my wish come true...

Once i put a person in my love (either a friend or a lover) list,

their name will b permanent with me unless,

u break my heart till i cant bare to find

myself, that will drop right to my BITCH LIST!

Its cold in medical centre, please don't rain...

My Idol...

Dear Diary,

I watch the American Next Top Model...the girl name of Nicole, i was supporting her from the 1st episode and im really HAPPY for her being the petite model ever known to b a model...she is nerdy, she is also shy when come in contact with something tat is unknown to her...

She took really great shots, she know where to find the light and show off her angles, and when i saw the episode of her being shot underwater, i already have the imagination of me being underwater, posing and my cameraman would just "snap! snap! snap!" and i would go "Bam! Bam! Bam!"

She inspire me cuz, she kinda have the same attitude like me, the pretty, sweet, shy and abit hard to communicate...if she could do her best during her modeling day, why not me, i can have the confidence and improve my personality...

Congratz to Nicole Fox for getting American Next Top Model...and she is my age tat is 20...





This is what she is now...im impressed with her...
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-NEWS-


ECLIPSE IS COMMING TIS JUNE!!!

Dear Diary,


...2weeks together, thats all it took, 2weeks for me to fall for you...
...i miss you so much tat it hurts...

Today plan was to go swimming with atika but we cant find other ppl to swim with, so i decided to join hadri n anis, they watching a movie called dear john, its a really touching a romantic movie, made some of us cry and my eyes are just really teary...the scenes i always remember from the movie is tis im going to show you...loving it!!

Combat Phase...

Dear Diary,

It has been so long since i ever touch my blog, due to nothing much to talk abt, well most of the time i express myself is in my facebook, but now i got twitter, so i wont touch my facebook tat much...

Back to my daily routine in army, all of you know tat im in medic course rite, so last Thursday is when my combat phase starts...i tell you, its tough, we learn so much abt how to save a casualty with or without a stretcher...after the trainning, today we had a mini circuit competition, n my warrent is really proud of us as we put in lots of effort so he let us go off early...haha! ok i got nothing much to say, n oh my warrent also show us a movie of how a platoon medic works in a platoon...here is a mini video clip of the movie...enjoy...

Song Of The Sea...

Dear Diary,

It been so long tat i never meet god-sister, really missed her so much, so us three plan to watch a movie together, then fazli got to bring his lil sister, so kinda scared she felt left out since we watching an adult show, so kak su decided to watch Song of the Sea at Sentosa for Aminah sake...

While waiting for the show to begin, tat is around 7.40 if im not wrong, we went up to the top of vivo city, aminah wanted to play with the water, well i can say we pick the wrong spot cuz the place is really hurting to step in, then aminah was like scared2, haha, its only ur knee lvl honey, lol, did play around with aminah kak su n fazli, was kinda fun...just by playing with Aminah, remind me of my lil sis when we r small, we use to play n have fun together...now when she is all grown up, i rarely see her sit at hm, every night will confirm not at hm...

Aminah surly is very lucky to have a brother whom has friends who care abt his sis n play with her...like me, hadri n kak su, hadri is the tender n loving brother, im the playful n caring brother, kak su a motherly type of sister while fazli himself is fierce, loving, caring n playful type of brother...argh, how i wish my "step-sister" wont b so scared to play with her own elder siblings, "baby girl, you cant blame ur big bro n sis for not being there with u always, we leave in singapore while u r born there in malaysia, we rarely go there to visit cuz we r still schooling while im serving ns..."

Ever since dad got remarried, i wanted a lil sister, i got her from step mum, i was really excited in raising her but ever since i cant meet her always, she kinda got scared of new ppl, kinda annoying, my dream of raising a baby sister turns out to b a semi-nightmare cuz it didnt turn out the way i wan it to b, like all my cousins, they love me, love being beside me but my "step-sister" she prefer to hide behind step-mum...

ANY...WAY!!! when its time to go visit the sentosa, we board the train there, lol, i tell u, its DAM crowded, kak su hold on to aminah really tightly so she wont b lost...got our sit, its kinda fun to c the water splashing, lasers the light but i tell u, for kids i think it the most memorable thing to b on, but for me, i think its just a waste of time, cuz all the person have to do is hum to the melody n sooner or later, he broke the spell of tis n tat, woohhh...the story line was boring as well, woke up the princess n tats the end of the story, fantastic isnt it, *sweats*

-Note-
I know u know wat i wrote, if u, whoever u r wan to tell my dad abt it, i dont care anymore, its my blog if u dont know, so do wat u like, im immune to it...

The Week...

Dear Diary,

Just now i meet with hadri n fazli, since i need to find a book which i could study for my test, the understanding of human body, i really sux when come to theory, if practical i wont do so badly...haha...i bought 2 polo-t n 2books for studies n reading...did abit of reading though the book i bought, lots of thing i can understand better...

The whole week tis week is kinda stressing for me cuz i got to find out i fail in my theory test n im unable to go for a night out, sad thing, made me more worried is tat grandmum was admitted in hospital for stomach pain, n i cant get the night out to visit her, i cried badly, 1. im a nursing student n i fail in sumthing i have gone through, 2. grandmum was admited in hospital...then on fri there is a prac test, i did well but i fail in one of the stations tat is burns, i hate the sargent, he made me kancong, so i cant concentrate...dam...

Tomoro im meeting shaiful...hehe, cant wait, been a week i didnt get to see him, but ns is testing how patiences i am n how much both of us trust each other...yeah, it will get us stronger n stronger...

PS: im will soon upload my pictures on my polo-t n the books i bought....

COUNTDOWN - From Bad TO AWESOME...

Dear Diary,

Yesterday i was so emotional, as i can c tat all my friends r not avaliable to watch fireworks with me, im so excited to go c n start a new yr with him/her, but in the end, i was turn down, shaiful had to work, fazli with his band friends, hadri with his friend, kak su fell real sick, my group of friends, we didnt plan to meet so they got lazy n atika just finish work, so i dont wan her to force herself to go fireworks with me...

Morning i went with shaiful to visit her auntie in the hospital, was happy to c him, but sry hunn, no hug if u r smoking...haha! got to c his crazy cousins n surprizingly one of his cousin is my battalion mate, he is from charlie kia...haha...then one of his cousin said sumthing abt celebrating new year with couple...i felt it tat way too, celebrating new year with own couple is the most memorable memories you could have and it will predict how ur relationship would b like tis year...

Yeah, send him to work, met his friend, EZA! my pri sch mate, didnt realize her untill shaiful told me...haha...otw bck hm i keep on thinking abt wat shaiful's cousin said n my eyes got teary...real bad, but glad i didnt cry cuz i dont wan to, if i cry my new year will b spoiled n i dont wan his to, to spoil...

Went home, i talked to my mum n i blame almost everyone, they by making me feel better, she ask me to go khatib with her n lil bro...heard got taufiq, wasnt tat excited but ya i just go...then as time goes by, i felt like im enjoying the concert, was singing, screamming n taking pictures with mum n bro...when countdown ended,TAUFIQ BATISAH appeared n dedicate 2songs for his fan...

When he finish singing, all the girls when backstage n run after taufiq to take his photograph, last time girls n fans use to ask for autographs but now is moden, we all got camaras n all go snap snap.
If only im a girl, i will b like pushing my way though the bitches n take a one to one photo with taufiq himself...AHH!!! i love you mum for taking me to tis concert, me n bro felt real happy as both of us got no friends to hangout with...
Sister, if u dont care too much abt ur bf, n come with us, i will b right behiend u to take a photo of u with taufiq...n u will b screamming ur throat out...like me...haha!!

btw...
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL, may 2010 would b a blast to all of u...

Exploring....

Dear Diary,

Planned to go out with fazli n hadri, was excited cuz both of them got nothing to do, so once out with them means snapping!!...then guess wat, shaiful wanted to come, i felt a bit scared for him if he would feel felt out or mayb fazli n hadri didnt like him or sumthing...

Surprizingly 3 of them click well, but i felt all shy shy when he is around, haha natural effect ok...then all of us start to have clicking section, since we got more then 3person in a group, so he become the "photographer" haha, sorry hun, im still the best photograher they got...haha!! then its time for me to go, cuz im booking in today...was really2 sad as i have to go but its ok,next week still a week we could meet...its a great day...but booking in is a pain...haiz...

MEDIC!!!

Dear Diary,

I have been posted to become a medic...wooohooo...now im in nee soon camp taking my medic course...when i c all the subjects i felt realive cuz im learning wat i always like...talking abt new friends, i felt like im welcomed without getting thoughts of me being gay or anything else...n NEW thing, i get to pray, 1 point cuz i got friends who prays too, another one i dont feel embaressed cuz the bunk is half malay another half chinese, unlike my other camp, 1/4 is malay the rest chinese...

Worst, we never kena fucked by the sergents n worst! we got no PT other then run, so we have to train ourself at night...argh i gain 2kg after 1week...omg!!! i dont wan to be fat again...!!

Thats all i could tell u guys...please ppl, pray hard for me to exel in my medic course...tis time i will put in more effort in my studies...talk to u all soon...buhbye..

PS: Happy 1month Anniversay...=)

A Day At BookFest Is A Blast...

I kinda forget wat happen tis day, but i know tis day is a blast...meeting up anis n his bf n get to C HADY MIRZA...

Im Touched...

Dear Diary,

Its friday, was suppose to teman kak su to hospital but didnt cuz it was postpone...then dad called as he wanted to meet us all, felt real happy as he wanted to meet us, we swenson...weee...im real touched by the cake...love it...bt sadly we cant finish it all cuz we didnt know it the cake was real...haha...

wanted to take picture with anis farhana, our cutest sister, but she was too shy with us, cuz for so long we nvr meet, cant blame us for tat cuz she leave extreme far from us...there u go a picture of her taken by dad, i tell u guys, she will grow up independly n i hope not too fierce, scary...
Since, dad had to head off early cuz of company dinner, so i head off too, to kak su house...since i promise her all of my family songs...haha, then give her all, help her with some of the computer things, n she bought g-force, wooohooo...loving it...haha...

Fazli came along, we so long never meet, then kak su bring out MAGNUM ice-cream, faz didnt eat as he got an ulcer in his mouth for eating too much chocolate...haha sad...time goes fast as we r having so much fun...time to go home...

He Is My Bestie...

He Is Sexy While Im Hot...

Dear Diary,

It Had been a while since i meet hadri...miss him so badly...i miss taking photos with him...well, since today i wasnt in the mood, i had pms, i bought lots of junk food n best, im already sick, n yet i take things which not suppose to take...i wore the wrong outfit for a cam-whoring...since i wore the wrong outfit, hadri said i could bcome a great photographer...haha, love to b tat too...

After lot of photo taking at the garden we found at suntec city, we head towards the waterfall, i tell u its beautiful, but when i c the water flowing, i felt like crying, i dont know why...again we take lots of photos, i make a smile, cuz i know when i smile, its nvr fake...but behiend the smile, im falling apart...around 8pm we took train str8 hm, hadri, thanks for listenning to wat i wan to say, cuz its really difficult for me to talk abt problem, i usually write my problems..

Long sleave is a cover for me if i do sumthing stupid...i just wan to say sorry, sooner or later, i will hurt someone, im not prepared but i have to do it...one by one problem came to me, im all stressed up...i will always love you...

Im Sick but still on for SHOPPING!!

Dear Diary,

Been a long time in camp n i had been waiting to spent my money, n yeah today i went out with mum, hehe she bought for me face wash which i love last year...n weee!! thank god, there is promotion if not she wont buy for me...hehe...

Premier is the best product...you bet

Since my intension for today is to by shoe n hat, since i cant find the hat tat i wanted, so i bought two bag to replace it, haha!!thought of buying chales&keith wallet, but mayb i buy it when i have my salary again...haha, now all not avaliable...haha!!

JeepMann Has become my fav shoe brand while Square had been my fav Bag brand...^_^

B4 going hm, i treat my mum to swenson, hehe onces in every two to three months i would treat mum to an expansive dinner...well worth the while...haha, love her for always b there for me, i promise her, if i ever have enough money, i will buy for her chales&keith wallet, even my mum said she love it...

PS: I'm Sick, hope i could recover by tomoro...

Boring Day..

My Little Brother...Love him...

Dear Diary,

Its just only 1day after my POP...i felt really sad as father & Sister unable to come to my P.O.P, both of them were my 2nd choise after my mum, but none came, so brother tag along...i really owe my thanks to my bro cuz he, other then my mum, dont mind attending to things tat is important like my POP...bro also send me to my VERY 1st endlistment day...

My Sis reason for not attending i could understand, cuz she for so long nvr meet my cousins n grandmum, but i cant understand my dad's reason, he could debate to his manager tat he is attending to something important tat involve his son in it but he didnt, i just wan to know the actual reason, is it cuz of meeting mum? or is it dont wan to hurt step-mum's feeling? both of them ARE my mum anyways...further more, i dont think my dad ever seen me wearing Army Uniform, when i got the news tat dad isnt comming, i cried real bad tat night...but i can't do anything...Told mum abt it, she understand so much how i felt...

Enough of sadness, today been a boring day as i didnt do anything other then eat n sleep...Nizam showed me 2 dance video, i tell u they dance very nice, one of the video got him inside, i was smiling widely cuz he is inside, tat time he is really skinny...now hehehe...i will zip my mouth...hehe...

here you go...


His group starts at 4.21, he is the one tat is wearing nike shoe...*fainting*


This is his friends' group...they dance AWESOME!!!....love it...

POP OH...!!!

This two person will nvr fail to b beside me...Love you...

Platoon Sargent Alex & Sargent Jackson(My Section Commander)

Sir Willson

RSM Amran & Cpt Dyson

Dear Diary,

I just had my POP tis morning, was a memorable time...but its kinda embarrassing as the speaker spoil when we hentak kaki n lost steps...but so far was fun...love it...took lots photos, but sadly not all of them inside my pictures...

Lets talk abt wat i have been doing in camp for last week...we had RECRUITS NIGHT & 16CLICK, tis week we slack alot, but the POP rehearsal make us shag but its worth it...

Recruits night was amazing, lots of hot chicks n handsome dudes come perform for us...n tis time im not lieing abt the hot n handsome, they r really are...then there is almost a "Gang fight" during the night...haha cuz Charlie acted like mat rep n Alpha&Bravo cant take it, so tis wat happen...
Charlie Love to say tis, A-Ah-A-Ah Charlie Kia...then Bravo&Alpha Uses whistle "Toot-Toot-Toottoottoot-toottoottoottoot-BOTOH" & when Charlie do it again, Alpha&Bravo shouted A-Ah-A-Ah A..ya...O...ah...Infantry...ah(Its part of a Army Song)...Was funny, i can see tat the Charlies is really angry...haha..tats was for Recruits night...

Just letting u guys know, my batch is the 1st batch to do 16click(16km)...how lucky for us...just by doing 16click, all of us is half dead, i wonder if they add 8click more to complete 24click, i wonder wat would happen...haha...!! but those ppl who done 24click, well-done, i want to have the chance to walk 24click, but im lucky enough to just finish my 16click...during the 16click, my friends r the one tat keep on singing to make the mood wonders, last 4click, their voice got softer n softer but they didn't stop, they keep on continue...finish 16click, we watch a short video of the whole battalion since PIP till BMT...nice...

The Pictures will b updated asap...so no worries...

PS: Patience always lead to good things...

Two New Outfit...

Bought...

Given...by him

Dear Diary,

Today went out with nizam...was excited to b with him...n i also would like to thank him to take his time for me today, as im going to buy a polo-t for my up comming recruits night...the shirt was nice n kinda cheap...weee...he also gave me a new urban male singlet...aww...so sweet but hunn, i know the prize...wakakaka.....

PS: LOVE YOU...