Dear Diary,
It has been 1week tat sister actually talk to me abt wat i did, n i still cant overcame it, its taking over myself, im losing control but everytime i think of resignning, my eyes is covered with tears cuz i love some of my workmate there, they r kind towards me n teaches me alot, told some of them im resignning, they try to confront me not to resign but i cant, i need to, so i could feel save again...
To Hidayah,
girl, sister is really to much towards me, i cant take it anymore, everyday, if ever me n her terserempak, she will find my mistake, n after tat day, i could see some of the staff close to her had a black face, plainful to see it...i will think abt resignning till friday...im going to miss u so much...u r one of the ppl there who give full support...
No worries, i would b fine, i promise u, if ever i resign, i will make a day for all the ppl i love there n u tat we will go out b4 i go in NS ok...
I told some of my friends in NUH n i told my mum abt it, all of them got really angry with her...but wat to do rite, she is the boss around there...i rather go to a place like NS which is physically tough then tis, metally tough...
Atika Besties: im sorry but i failed u, i cant win tis match against my Sister...i lost tis round...
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Sunday, June 14, 2009
I Tried But I Failed....
Dear Diary,
Finally today is the day i rest after a very long week, its a sad thing tat on friday was my students last day, i like them being around, i felt like im myself n i could laugh n smile without having any reason to...
But "she"spoil the mood, she called me in her office together with "her", in my mind i was like thinking, is it my check list, but it isnt, she say i got lots of complains from patients, n when i did sumthing wrong i wont admit it n reason i can't remember wat happen, she also say, sum staffs also complain tat i always say "im off duty"when they needed help, adding the pain, she say i talk to patients rudely, n due to tis, she can never pass my probation, n adding again the most painful thing is she say im an unsafe nurse, its better to let my girls suffer then to have an unsafe nurse around, she gave me two choises, either i resign or she fail my probation with all the complains, its all up to me, she gave me a 2nd chance, n if i got a complain she will fail me str8...sial la, i burst out of tears n say, "i never knew i did everything was bad", then after a few slow talk, she leave the room with her n ask me to reflect on wat i did...n continuesly i cried till all the tissue she gave finish...
Lets relook why i cried:-
-lots of pts complain
-never admit my mistake
-reason for anything "i cant remember"
-not helpful to other staff n say "im off duty"
-talk to pts rudely
-not passing my probation
-im an unsafe nurse, rather her girls suffer without me
-either i resign asap or she fail me
-giving 2nd chance but if im not improving she will str8 fail me
She isnt helping me, she will take all my badness n make it into one meteor n smash it down at me, why dont she go ask around wat i did was good or bad, from my seeing, i saw lots of patients actually love me, n same goes to some of my staff, n those pts who complain is those who is inpatience n wont wait.
I would like to thank the students who actually saw tat i wasnt in the mood n made me laugh, going to miss u guys so much...
Finally today is the day i rest after a very long week, its a sad thing tat on friday was my students last day, i like them being around, i felt like im myself n i could laugh n smile without having any reason to...
But "she"spoil the mood, she called me in her office together with "her", in my mind i was like thinking, is it my check list, but it isnt, she say i got lots of complains from patients, n when i did sumthing wrong i wont admit it n reason i can't remember wat happen, she also say, sum staffs also complain tat i always say "im off duty"when they needed help, adding the pain, she say i talk to patients rudely, n due to tis, she can never pass my probation, n adding again the most painful thing is she say im an unsafe nurse, its better to let my girls suffer then to have an unsafe nurse around, she gave me two choises, either i resign or she fail my probation with all the complains, its all up to me, she gave me a 2nd chance, n if i got a complain she will fail me str8...sial la, i burst out of tears n say, "i never knew i did everything was bad", then after a few slow talk, she leave the room with her n ask me to reflect on wat i did...n continuesly i cried till all the tissue she gave finish...
Lets relook why i cried:-
-lots of pts complain
-never admit my mistake
-reason for anything "i cant remember"
-not helpful to other staff n say "im off duty"
-talk to pts rudely
-not passing my probation
-im an unsafe nurse, rather her girls suffer without me
-either i resign asap or she fail me
-giving 2nd chance but if im not improving she will str8 fail me
She isnt helping me, she will take all my badness n make it into one meteor n smash it down at me, why dont she go ask around wat i did was good or bad, from my seeing, i saw lots of patients actually love me, n same goes to some of my staff, n those pts who complain is those who is inpatience n wont wait.
I would like to thank the students who actually saw tat i wasnt in the mood n made me laugh, going to miss u guys so much...
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Why Cant i B Lucky?
Dear Diary,
I dont feel lucky, if u wan to know why, i got lots of list...lets go through them k...
1. My passion is to b a nurse, but got the wrong Sister...
2. My Rest Day Isnt tat great either...
3. Brother N Sister is so free to enjoy their life...
4. Im kinda known In Hospital but i dont get sister's attention...(Good Way I Mean)
5. Cuz Of My Weak Personality, I got not much friends...
6. Although my Bond with my friends is strong, but bit by bit, its drifting...
7. My checklist isnt done due to I Cant go to Sister to finsih my checklist...Scared
8. Im Such A Chicken...
9. All my cousin's isnt tat close to me cuz im working n got no time...i miss them...
10.I cant hang out with friends due to different rest day...
11. How can i get over my phobia of BOYS!
its more but i cant really explain it...
Tats most of the things i could say, my probation was pulled forward due to im leaving...idk how to overcome all those maddness...i cant, i need time, i need fairness, i need encouragement...
Help me ppl, im kinda sacred...
I dont feel lucky, if u wan to know why, i got lots of list...lets go through them k...
1. My passion is to b a nurse, but got the wrong Sister...
2. My Rest Day Isnt tat great either...
3. Brother N Sister is so free to enjoy their life...
4. Im kinda known In Hospital but i dont get sister's attention...(Good Way I Mean)
5. Cuz Of My Weak Personality, I got not much friends...
6. Although my Bond with my friends is strong, but bit by bit, its drifting...
7. My checklist isnt done due to I Cant go to Sister to finsih my checklist...Scared
8. Im Such A Chicken...
9. All my cousin's isnt tat close to me cuz im working n got no time...i miss them...
10.I cant hang out with friends due to different rest day...
11. How can i get over my phobia of BOYS!
its more but i cant really explain it...
Tats most of the things i could say, my probation was pulled forward due to im leaving...idk how to overcome all those maddness...i cant, i need time, i need fairness, i need encouragement...
Help me ppl, im kinda sacred...
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
EmO ShiT SaK!!
Dear Diary,
The whole day today i wasnt feeling good, not physically but mentally, im worried, im angry, im frustrated, im sad with every things i did, i took every small things very seriously, i almost let go my tears infront of patient, due to he treaten me to tell sister tat i never bring him shower...
Here is the story, its 12.30pm n one of my patient whom is from HD cam bck, he couldnt eat by himself, so i was kinda buzy, so i left his food on the table without feeding him, once i finish my things, i go n feed him, in the middle of the feeding, patient S ask tat if i could bring him shower, he couldnt do it himself due to one of his leg amputated, i told him "Uncle i cant bring u shower now cuz im feeding tis uncle", so he cant wait, he press the call bell, a student attended to him, she ask if any staff can bring him shower, i ask the student to call an afternoon junior to help, while feeding i forgot to take a straw, so i walk to the pantry n took a straw, as i cam bck, the student told me, tat bloody uncle called me "GAY!!" so i just stared at tat uncle while feeding, the afternoon junior didnt attend to uncle S, im guessing she is buzy im supposed, 5min later, uncle S was inpatient n press the call bell, no nurse attened to him due its report passing n buzy with other stuff, the student attended to him, n he ask for the comode, he go himself, b4 tat he say, u feed tat uncle n tat uncle eat so slow, u cannot bring me shower? i didnt answer, n when he got on the comode, he say, he will complain tis to sister, FUCK HIM ah....
you know wat i feel, im doing a good thing but its also a bad thing, screw him, if sister finds out abt tis, no chances im giving in to him, im the most kindest creature on earth n he is figuring out wat to push me down...
another thing im down abt is, in 1weeks time, i got to hand in my check list n my check list is half done, n there is not much skills i could find, im done being MR Scarddy Cat, Sister if i see u in ur office, i will ask if u r free or was so ever, n im confessing to her my weakness n why all the while i didnt come to her for appointment...im promissing to all my readers tat im finishing my check list no matter how much scolding i get from sister...
Wish me luck dear Readers, take care...
The whole day today i wasnt feeling good, not physically but mentally, im worried, im angry, im frustrated, im sad with every things i did, i took every small things very seriously, i almost let go my tears infront of patient, due to he treaten me to tell sister tat i never bring him shower...
Here is the story, its 12.30pm n one of my patient whom is from HD cam bck, he couldnt eat by himself, so i was kinda buzy, so i left his food on the table without feeding him, once i finish my things, i go n feed him, in the middle of the feeding, patient S ask tat if i could bring him shower, he couldnt do it himself due to one of his leg amputated, i told him "Uncle i cant bring u shower now cuz im feeding tis uncle", so he cant wait, he press the call bell, a student attended to him, she ask if any staff can bring him shower, i ask the student to call an afternoon junior to help, while feeding i forgot to take a straw, so i walk to the pantry n took a straw, as i cam bck, the student told me, tat bloody uncle called me "GAY!!" so i just stared at tat uncle while feeding, the afternoon junior didnt attend to uncle S, im guessing she is buzy im supposed, 5min later, uncle S was inpatient n press the call bell, no nurse attened to him due its report passing n buzy with other stuff, the student attended to him, n he ask for the comode, he go himself, b4 tat he say, u feed tat uncle n tat uncle eat so slow, u cannot bring me shower? i didnt answer, n when he got on the comode, he say, he will complain tis to sister, FUCK HIM ah....
you know wat i feel, im doing a good thing but its also a bad thing, screw him, if sister finds out abt tis, no chances im giving in to him, im the most kindest creature on earth n he is figuring out wat to push me down...
another thing im down abt is, in 1weeks time, i got to hand in my check list n my check list is half done, n there is not much skills i could find, im done being MR Scarddy Cat, Sister if i see u in ur office, i will ask if u r free or was so ever, n im confessing to her my weakness n why all the while i didnt come to her for appointment...im promissing to all my readers tat im finishing my check list no matter how much scolding i get from sister...
Wish me luck dear Readers, take care...
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